What the fuck is ADHD — and what isn’t it?

SHARMANATOR:
OK guys, lets jump right in, What the fuck is ADHD, and is it not?

JOHNNY (The Joker):
ADHD? It’s not forgetting your keys once or losing interest in your yoga app.
It’s living in a mental pinball machine where the flippers are broken and every ball’s on fire.
People think it’s quirky — like “ooh I’m sooo ADHD, I bought three plants and forgot to water them.”
Nah love — real ADHD is crying in the supermarket because you forgot why you’re there, then crying again in the car because you remember exactly why you’re there — and still don’t go back in.

CYRIL (The Cynic):
Let’s kill the fantasies right now.
ADHD isn’t cute. It’s not some productivity hack.
It’s not caused by TikTok, bad parenting, blue light, gluten, or your dodgy uncle skipping hugs.
It’s a neurological condition with structural differences in the brain — and people living with it are often exhausted, shamed, and labelled their entire lives.
You wanna know what ADHD isn’t?
It isn’t optional.

DAVE (The Dialect):
Clinically speaking, ADHD is a persistent neurodevelopmental disorder marked by inattention, impulsivity, and/or hyperactivity that interferes with daily functioning across multiple settings.
What it’s not is a moral failure.
The brain’s executive function — responsible for regulating attention, prioritisation, and inhibition — is structurally and functionally different.
So it’s not that someone with ADHD won’t do the task.
It’s that their brain literally can’t engage with it unless the conditions align — usually under pressure, crisis, or emotional charge.

AL (The Yank):
But hey! If you just find your passion and journal with enough stickers, you can turn ADHD into your superpower!
No, for real — just cut out seed oils, drink mushroom tea, and follow this ex-Navy SEAL breathwork coach on YouTube!

ALICE (The Android):
Statement: ADHD is a heritable neurobiological condition with statistically validated brain imaging markers.
Public misunderstanding is the result of media trivialisation and diagnostic misconceptions.
Conclusion: Mislabelled behaviours lead to inappropriate treatment, social rejection, and systemic failure.

SHARMANATOR:
So who can get ADHD? Is it a poor kid problem or a middle class diagnosis trend?

DAVE (The Dialect):
The data’s clear — ADHD doesn’t care about your postcode.
It’s demographically universal. You’ll find it in council flats and country estates, classrooms and boardrooms.
Yes, wealth can buy early diagnosis and better coping mechanisms, which is why it looks like a middle-class phenomenon.
But make no mistake — kids in poverty often get punished for traits that kids in wealth get support for.
Same brain, different consequences.

JOHNNY (The Joker):
It’s like this:
If you’re poor and impulsive, you’re “trouble.”
If you’re rich and impulsive, you’re “spirited.”
One gets detention. The other gets a life coach.
And women?
Forget it.
If you’re a girl with ADHD, you don’t “struggle with executive function,” you’re “moody,” “lazy,” or “dramatic.”
Spend your whole life thinking you’re broken — because the model was built for noisy boys.

CYRIL (The Cynic):
This isn’t a trend. It’s just that we finally have language for it.
Back in the day, the kid with ADHD got called thick, lazy, or disruptive.
Then grew up believing it.
And if you think it’s suddenly being overdiagnosed — ask yourself:
Are we diagnosing too many people…
or were we just ignoring them for decades?

ALICE (The Android):
Correction: ADHD prevalence is estimated at 5–7% globally.
Disparities in diagnosis rates are due to cultural, gendered, and economic biases — not actual incidence.
Data shows underdiagnosis in females, ethnic minorities, and low-income populations.
The condition is consistent across populations — only visibility differs.

SHARMANATOR:
OK, so anyone can get it, usually in their genes. But what is actually happening under the hood.

ALICE (The Android):
Initiating systems breakdown.
Structural anomalies detected:

• Prefrontal Cortex maturation delay — This region governs self-regulation, planning, impulse control. In ADHD, it develops more slowly, creating a lag in behavioural inhibition.
• Cerebellar volume reduction — Impacts coordination, timing, and attentional shifts. Think of it as the brain’s internal metronome — and in ADHD, it’s offbeat.
• Thinner Cerebral Cortex — Linked to difficulties in attention span and executive processing.
• Global brain volume reduction — Averages 3–5% smaller, though intelligence remains unaffected.

These aren’t metaphors. They are measurable, replicated across imaging studies.

JOHNNY (The Joker):
So imagine your brain’s a band.
But the drummer’s late.
The conductor’s drunk.
And the frontman’s screaming lyrics from a different song.
Now try and do taxes.
Or have a conversation.
Or sit still in a fucking classroom while your entire mental orchestra plays jazz on crack.

CYRIL (The Cynic):
And guess what happens next?
You blurt something out. People look at you like you’re nuts.
You knock over a cup. “Clumsy.”
You double-book plans. “Flaky.”
You react big. “Too much.”
They think it’s a personality flaw.
You think you’re broken.
All the while, it’s your neurobiology malfunctioning under pressure — and you’re too busy feeling ashamed to even explain.

DAVE (The Dialect):
So let’s summarise:

• The hardware — structurally — is different.
• These differences affect timing, inhibition, emotional regulation, and goal-directed behaviour.
• You may still know what’s right. But the circuit linking knowing to doing is unreliable.

And that mismatch — between intent and execution — is the birthplace of chronic shame.

SHARMANATOR:
So what about focus? Sometimes I’m like 10 hours on youtube learning how slime moulds can map the Tokyo underground, and other times, I’ll boot up my computer and stare at the screen like it’s growing horns or something, and then decide it’s all too much and go for a nap?

ALICE (The Android):
That paradox is neurochemical in origin.
Primary agents:

• Dopamine — chronically low baseline levels, with abnormally fast clearance.
  Result: Tasks with no novelty or urgency don’t register. Brain says: no reward = no go.
• Norepinephrine — governs alertness. In ADHD, levels are unstable.
  You’re either bored to the point of despair or locked in like a missile.
• Serotonin — often dysregulated. This fuels emotional instability, impulsivity, and novelty seeking.

So your system doesn’t prioritise importance.
It prioritises intensity.

JOHNNY (The Joker):
It’s like having a brain that runs on fireworks.
If it doesn’t sparkle or explode — you don’t see it.
So yeah, you’ll binge 8 hours of slime mould documentaries — because they’re weird, new, visual, and spark dopamine like a slot machine.
But when it’s time to pay your council tax, your brain looks at the form like it’s written in fucking Sanskrit.
Suddenly the world goes fuzzy… and the nap whispers, “I’m the only thing that makes sense now.”

CYRIL (The Cynic):
And people call that laziness.
Nah.
It’s a dopaminergic survival strategy.
You’re chasing spikes just to feel normal.
And when nothing spikes — you crash.
Then comes the shame spiral.
Then you binge again to escape the shame.
And before you know it, you’re hyperfocused on 18th-century sword-making tutorials at 3AM, eating crisps you don’t remember opening.

DAVE (The Dialect):
To decode it clinically:

• ADHD brains under-register predictable input
• So they either over-engage in novel or urgent tasks (hyperfocus)
• Or shut down entirely when tasks offer no intrinsic stimulation

This is why “just try harder” is a cruel instruction.
It’s not about effort. It’s about access — and the gates are chemically locked.

SHARMANATOR:
Can you explain why sometimes my mind wonders and I forget the world exists, and sometimes I can be so distant I’m not even sure I exist.

ALICE (The Android):
Explanation: This is a failure in network switching between the Default Mode Network (DMN) and the Task-Positive Network (TPN).

• DMN = mind-wandering, self-referential thought, memory loops
• TPN = focused attention, external engagement, active task execution

In neurotypical brains, these systems alternate fluidly.
In ADHD, the switch is faulty.
You get stuck in one — or worse — both at once.

• Stuck in DMN: You ruminate. Forget the external world. Feel lost in thought.
• Stuck in TPN: Hyperfocus. Tunnel vision. Can’t disengage. Forget to eat, pee, respond.
• Both active: Cognitive overload. System lock. Freeze. Mental flatline.

JOHNNY (The Joker):
It’s like being trapped between two TV channels —
One’s playing “Everything I’ve Ever Done Wrong: The Remix”
And the other’s a laser-focused crime drama about reorganising your desktop folders.
Both are loud. Neither’s helpful.
And you?
You’re just the poor bastard holding the remote with no batteries.

CYRIL (The Cynic):
And people wonder why you ghost them.
You’re not being rude — you’re in a looped limbo.
You forget time. You forget plans. You forget you said you’d call.
Then when you remember — it’s too late.
So now you’re an “arsehole” or “flaky.”
Welcome to the emotional fine for cognitive malfunction.

DAVE (The Dialect):
The DMN is also tied to self-concept.
So when you get trapped there too long, it can blur the boundary between thought and self.
You’re no longer thinking about yourself — you are the thought.
That’s why people with ADHD often report feeling disconnected from reality or identity in these moments.
It’s not just distraction. It’s disassociation by default.

SHARMANATOR:
Why do often feel like my adrenals are on piece work, and I want to crawl out of my skin, and I’m bouncing around, and can’t stop moving?

ALICE (The Android):
Somatic amplification detected.
Two primary culprits:

1. Basal Ganglia Dysregulation — This cluster modulates motor control and habit formation. In ADHD, it’s often hyperactive, resulting in:
   • Fidgeting
   • Pacing
   • Nail-biting
   • Repetitive tics or movements
2. Sensory Processing Sensitivity — Many ADHD individuals experience heightened reactivity to stimuli:
   • Noise becomes unbearable
   • Clothes feel wrong
   • Lights flicker like interrogation spots
   • Smells hit like punches

This constant overstimulation puts the nervous system in a low-grade threat response — adrenal activation without a visible threat.

JOHNNY (The Joker):
It’s like your whole body’s been possessed by a swarm of caffeinated ants, and someone gave them tiny tasers.
You’re just trying to send an email, but your legs want to run a marathon, your fingers are auditioning for tap dance, and your spine thinks it’s a tuning fork.
And God help you if someone’s chewing near your ear.
Because now you’ve got rage in stereo — and no socially acceptable way to express it.

CYRIL (The Cynic):
And what do they call it?
“Disruptive.”
“Overreactive.”
“Attention-seeking.”
Nah mate.
You’re just trying not to explode in a world designed by and for nervous system pacifists.
This ain’t anxiety — it’s stimulus overload on a cracked dopamine regulator.
You’re not twitchy for show.
You’re fighting for internal traction in a body that won’t settle.

DAVE (The Dialect):
So what looks like restlessness is often:

• A neurochemical chase for regulation
• A motor leak from an overclocked nervous system
• A biological alarm saying “too much input, no safe output”

And when there’s no safe outlet — you turn it inward.
That’s where burnout begins.

SHARMANATOR:
Yeah, all this chaos and moving wears me out, I’m knackered almost all time, you’d think my body and brain would want to rest, but no! I lay down to sleep and….well, it doesn’t happen.

ALICE (The Android):
That’s because your sleep system is out of sync, and your internal clock is running on a delay.

• Melatonin release is delayed in ADHD brains — often by 1–2 hours.
  You don’t feel tired when the world tells you to sleep.
• Racing thoughts, fuelled by lingering dopamine chases and Default Mode Network loops, block the transition to rest.
• Circadian misalignment creates a mismatch between sleep opportunity and actual sleep onset.

So you lie there — tired but wired.
The body begs for sleep, but the brain insists it has something important to reanalyse.
Like why you said “you too” to the waiter who said “enjoy your meal” six years ago.

JOHNNY (The Joker):
Sleep?
Oh you mean the thing your body schedules for 11PM,
but your brain rebooks for 2AM after a sudden craving to deep-clean the oven and Google “Can goats get anxiety?”
It’s like every night, your mind turns into a committee of caffeinated raccoons,
and they all have a PowerPoint.

CYRIL (The Cynic):
And let’s not forget time.
ADHD doesn’t just mess with sleep.
It screws with temporal awareness entirely.
There’s “now”…
…and “not now.”
No middle.
Deadlines sneak up like muggers.
Plans vanish like piss in rain.
You either do it all right now or never — and then you beat yourself up for both.

DAVE (The Dialect):
That’s called time blindness — a direct result of PFC dysfunction, cerebellar lag, and dopamine’s role in temporal coding.

• No foresight = no sense of future consequence
• No timeline = chaotic prioritisation
• No inner clock = disorganised reality

It’s not that you’re irresponsible.
It’s that time — to your brain — is a fog.
And navigating fog by memory… breaks people.
Final section next: “What does a lifetime of this do to someone?”
Say the word.

SHARMANATOR:
I guess this explains why my head is like a bag of microwave popcorn, but why am I emotionally struggling?

AL (The Yank):
STRUGGLING?
Buddy, that’s just your inner champion waiting to be unleashed!
You’ve been forged in the fire of distraction!
Your emotions aren’t a problem — they’re your superpower!
Now slap a cold shower on that burnout, high-five your trauma, and manifest your f***ing destiny!

JOHNNY (The Joker):
Thanks, Al. That was like being hugged by a protein shake.
Anyway…

DAVE (The Dialect):
Back to reality.
Living with ADHD — especially undiagnosed — means growing up misunderstood, punished, and often gaslit by your own nervous system.
You’re told:

• “Try harder”
• “Pay attention”
• “Stop being so sensitive”

But underneath it, you’re trying constantly — and failing visibly.
That creates a split:

• Outwardly: defiance, performance, or withdrawal
• Inwardly: guilt, shame, exhaustion

CYRIL (The Cynic):
It’s death by a thousand corrections.
You learn to mask — act neurotypical enough to survive.
But masking is performance.
And performance burns fuel.
So you burn out.
But they don’t see the burnout — they just see a flake.
A failure.
A drama queen.
So you either implode quietly or explode inconveniently.
Either way, you lose.

JOHNNY (The Joker):
And the kicker?
You start thinking it’s your personality.
Not a glitch — but a flaw.
Not a struggle — but your identity.
And that’s when depression pulls up a chair.
Anxiety throws on a dressing gown.
Addiction cracks open a beer.

ALICE (The Android):
Statement: The emotional fallout is not secondary — it is systemic.

• 50–70% of ADHD adults experience comorbid depression
• Anxiety disorders are common due to chronic performance failure
• Substance abuse often stems from self-medication
• Repeated invalidation leads to trauma-like symptoms, even in the absence of traditional trauma

This is not merely a behavioural condition.
It is an existential war zone.

DAVE (The Dialect):
And unless it’s recognised, treated, and reframed —
you don’t just live with ADHD…
you live as its scapegoat.

SHARMANATOR:
There it is! No fluff, no woke wankery, just ADHD, the way it is! In 1 sentence guys, give me something useful, that actually helps, and isn’t your typical influencer bullshit.

DAVE:
What helps isn’t willpower — it’s structure that survives your worst days.

CYRIL:
Accept the chaos, but systemise what matters — or drown in your own brain fog.

JOHNNY:
Build your life like a skatepark — let the madness flow, just give it rails.

ALICE:
Optimise for external scaffolding, not internal consistency — your memory is not your ally.

AL:
You don’t need motivation — you need a timer, a whiteboard, and a friend who’ll text “start now”.