SHARMANATOR:
Hermeticism! A word you hear in films whenever a character’s about to either unlock the secrets of the universe… or get conned into joining a cult. Usually whispered by a bloke in a hood, lit only by candlelight, so you know it’s serious. But what is it, really?
DAVE (The Dialect):
An ancient fusion of Greek philosophy and Egyptian spirituality, credited to Hermes Trismegistus — part myth, part mash-up of the gods Hermes and Thoth. It wasn’t religion, it was a framework for understanding reality itself.
CYRIL (The Cynic):
So basically philosophy in fancy dress, with incense to cover the smell of bollocks.
ALICE (The Android):
Incorrect. It’s a knowledge architecture. The Corpus Hermeticum and related texts influenced alchemy, astrology, and early science. Later, its principles seeped into secret societies — Freemasonry, Rosicrucians — not through magic, but because disciplined metaphysics makes good recruitment bait.
JOHNNY (The Joker):
Yeah — nothing says “exclusive brotherhood” like a secret handshake and a promise you’ll learn the universe’s cheat codes… once you’ve bought the apron.
DAVE:
The modern distillation? The Kybalion, published in 1908. It claims to preserve seven unbreakable laws.
CYRIL:
Unbreakable? That’s not a law, that’s a trap — no loopholes, no lawyers.
SHARMANATOR:
7 Laws? Like the 10 commandments? Or something entirely different?
DAVE (The Dialect):
Entirely different. The Ten Commandments are moral rules — you can ignore them, break them, or twist them to fit the sermon. The Hermetic laws aren’t suggestions; they’re structural.
CYRIL (The Cynic):
Yeah — you “break” one of these, you’re basically arguing with the firmware of the universe. Spoiler: the firmware wins.
ALICE (The Android):
Immutable constants. They operate regardless of awareness or consent. Misalignment doesn’t produce guilt — it produces consequence.
JOHNNY (The Joker):
Like gravity, except instead of falling off a ladder, you end up face-planting your own life.
DAVE:
And the first — Mentalism — sets the stage for all the rest.
SHARMANATOR:
Mentalism? Sounds like something you’d experience at a Paul Daniels magic show in the 1980s. What exactly does that mean?
DAVE (The Dialect):
Not mind-reading tricks. Mentalism in the Hermetic sense says all is mind. The universe itself is a mental construct — consciousness isn’t just in you, you’re in it.
CYRIL (The Cynic):
So basically, reality’s one big thought… and we’re the dodgy bit of that thought that needs therapy.
ALICE (The Android):
Modern parallel: the “hard problem of consciousness.” If mind arises solely from brain, explain non-local phenomena and the uncanny pattern recognition across cultures. Jung posited a collective unconscious — Hermeticism simply removes the “unconscious” qualifier.
JOHNNY (The Joker):
So we’re all just thoughts in some cosmic noggin? Brilliant. I’m gonna be the bit where it can’t remember why it walked into the kitchen.
DAVE:
Physicists like Planck and Wigner entertained the idea that consciousness is fundamental, not emergent. Hermeticism was there centuries earlier, without the lab coat.
CYRIL:
And without the peer review. Funny, that.
SHARMANATOR:
So, I suppose in a way that would explain the simulation theory, everything is all just part of a big ole computer program. What is the next law?
AL (The Yank):
Exactly, buddy! Like we’re all in God’s Xbox, and if you just believe hard enough, you can hack the code and manifest a Ferrari in your driveway!
CYRIL (The Cynic):
Christ, Al — you’ve taken simulation theory and turned it into a motivational poster for idiots.
JOHNNY (The Joker):
Yeah, “Live, Laugh, Lag.” Next you’ll be telling us you can respawn if you think positively while falling off a cliff.
ALICE (The Android):
Incorrect premise. Simulation theory posits computational substrate; Mentalism posits consciousness as substrate. Al’s conflation is a category error — and an embarrassment.
DAVE (The Dialect):
Moving on before this derails completely — the next law is Correspondence. “As above, so below.” It’s about the mirroring of patterns between different planes of reality.
SHARMANATOR:
Explain correspondence. How it was taught and how we can view the modern world through this hermetic law.
DAVE (The Dialect):
Historically, Correspondence was framed as “As above, so below; as within, so without.” In Hermetic teaching, it meant patterns repeat across all levels — the cosmic, the mental, the physical. The macro mirrors the micro.
ALICE (The Android):
Applied correctly, it’s a predictive model. Behavioural patterns in an individual often reflect — and influence — the larger systems they inhabit. In modern terms: your internal state projects into external outcomes.
CYRIL (The Cynic):
Or, put simply — plant nettles, get stung.
JOHNNY (The Joker):
Exactly. If your mind’s a cesspit, don’t be shocked when life starts smelling like one.
AL (The Yank):
So if I keep thinking “abundance,” I’ll just get richer and—
CYRIL:
No, you’ll just get more mugs with “Abundance” written on them, you prize pillock.
DAVE:
The point is — what you sow, you reap. Change the pattern in one layer, and you shift the others.
SHARMANATOR:
Interesting. Makes you think about what you put out into the universe if it’s going to come back and we can’t change law. What’s the next law?
DAVE (The Dialect):
The third is Vibration — nothing rests; everything moves, everything vibrates. In Hermeticism, motion is the fundamental condition of existence.
ALICE (The Android):
From atoms to galaxies, all systems oscillate. Frequency defines form. Change the vibration, change the manifestation.
CYRIL (The Cynic):
Which is why bad music in a gym kills your workout — the wrong vibration, literally.
JOHNNY (The Joker):
Or why Al’s voice is like a mosquito trapped in a motivational seminar — constant, high-pitched, and irritating.
AL (The Yank):
Hey, sound baths are powerful, guys! You just have to—
CYRIL:
Sit down before someone drowns you in one.
DAVE:
Modern lens? Your emotional “frequency” affects your perception and actions. Shift your internal state, and you shift how you interact with the world.
SHARMANATOR:
I find that law quite difficult to conceptualise. Because it’s the law that many influencers tout as the root of manifestation, and they get all weird on ya. Yeah, everything vibrates, absolutely everything, and a change in vibration changes the system. I’d like to believe that the vibrational frequency of my brain effects my external environment, but my head is chaos……hmmmm oh, yeah! So is my life……..Hmmmm. Shall we move on…..what’s next in the immutable laws?
AL (The Yank):
Man, that’s the beauty of it! Your brain’s chaos? That’s just cosmic jazz. The universe loves that stuff — it’s like creative genius energy. You could ride that wave straight to billionaire status if you just leaned in!
CYRIL (The Cynic):
Or straight to bankruptcy court.
JOHNNY (The Joker):
Yeah, Al — “lean in” and end up flat on your face. You’re basically a TED Talk with a head injury.
ALICE (The Android):
Embracing disorder without structure produces entropy, not genius. His statement is motivational debris.
DAVE (The Dialect):
Before this derails into another get-rich-quick fantasy, the next immutable law is Polarity — the principle that opposites are the same thing expressed at different intensities.
CYRIL:
And no, Al, that doesn’t mean your optimism is just pessimism in a funny hat.
SHARMANATOR:
Polarity? Sounds like a social media comments section. But how can the 2 arguments be the same in nature?
AL (The Yank):
Easy! It’s like online debates — love and hate are just passion wearing different outfits. Deep down, those trolls are your biggest fans.
CYRIL (The Cynic):
Deep down, Al, you’re an idiot in every outfit.
JOHNNY (The Joker):
Yeah, “passion wearing different outfits” — sounds like the police report after your next Tinder date.
ALICE (The Android):
Polarity states that opposites are merely extremes of the same continuum. Heat and cold are temperature; love and hate are emotional intensity. Transformation occurs by shifting degree, not erasing the spectrum.
DAVE (The Dialect):
Modern lens? If you’re trapped in hate, you can shift it toward understanding — not by pretending hate isn’t there, but by transmuting it along the same axis.
CYRIL:
Which is harder than just typing in all caps and hitting “send,” but that’s why Al will never get it.
SHARMANATOR:
So hot and cold are both temperatures, is that how it works. Opposite but the same thing?
DAVE (The Dialect):
Exactly. Hot and cold are both measurements of thermal energy — the difference is only in degree. Slide along the scale and you can turn one into the other without ever leaving the category of “temperature.”
ALICE (The Android):
The same applies to other polarities: light and dark, order and chaos, confidence and fear. They’re not separate substances — they are endpoints of a single spectrum.
CYRIL (The Cynic):
Which means life isn’t about deleting the “bad half” — it’s about learning to work the dial instead of smashing it.
JOHNNY (The Joker):
And sometimes you just flip the switch for fun, watch people lose their minds, and call it “character development.”
DAVE:
Understanding this law means you can transform states — not by denial, but by deliberate movement along the continuum. That’s the practical application.
SHARMANATOR:
I like that. What the next law?
DAVE (The Dialect):
That brings us to Rhythm — everything flows in and out, rises and falls, swings like a pendulum. Cycles are built into the fabric of existence.
ALICE (The Android):
Tides, seasons, economic booms and crashes, mood fluctuations — all operate on rhythmic patterns. The oscillation is inevitable; mastery lies in anticipating and using the swing.
CYRIL (The Cynic):
Translation — the good times don’t last, and neither do the bad, so stop acting surprised every time the wheel turns.
JOHNNY (The Joker):
Yeah, you’re not cursed, you’re just standing on the wrong end of life’s seesaw.
DAVE:
In practice, this means learning to navigate cycles without getting thrown — using the upward swing for momentum and the downward swing for rest or preparation.
SHARMANATOR:
So, all this effort to make everything right is futile because right will become wrong will become right? Kind fits into polarity. But essentially, everything is temporary, expect it to change. Or ‘This too shall pass’
DAVE (The Dialect):
Exactly. Rhythm is polarity in motion. Polarity shows the two ends of a spectrum — Rhythm is the swing between them. Everything is temporary because the pendulum never stops.
ALICE (The Android):
Ancient Hermeticists taught that this swing is law-bound. Attempts to freeze a state — “make everything right forever” — are counter to the system. Resistance simply creates friction.
CYRIL (The Cynic):
And burns you out in the process. It’s like trying to stop the tide with a broom.
JOHNNY (The Joker):
Or holding a sneeze until your soul pops out. Either way, you’re fighting physics.
DAVE:
“This too shall pass” isn’t just comfort — it’s a tactical reminder. Ride the highs without arrogance, weather the lows without despair, and you stop being yanked like a puppet by the swing.
ALICE:
The skill lies in rhythm correction — reducing the arc so you’re not constantly flung from extreme to extreme.
CYRIL:
Unless you’re Al — in which case, keep swinging. Less chance you’ll stand still long enough to talk.
AL (The Yank):
Hey, movement’s life, buddy! You stay still too long, you stagnate — I’m just keeping the energy high!
CYRIL (The Cynic):
You’re keeping the noise high, mate. There’s a difference.
JOHNNY (The Joker):
Yeah, Al — you’re less “life energy” and more “car alarm that never got fixed.”
ALICE (The Android):
Sustained noise without signal is interference. In human terms: pointless.
DAVE (The Dialect):
Before Al vibrates himself into another tangent, let’s move to the next immutable law — Cause and Effect.
SHARMANATOR:
Now there’s a law that most of us have heard of. But is it reliable? I mean if it’s immutable then the universe is pre-determined from the point of it’s beginning, determinism!
DAVE (The Dialect):
Cause and Effect in Hermeticism isn’t about fatalistic determinism — it’s about structure. Every action has a consequence, every consequence becomes the cause of something else. Nothing happens without something making it happen.
ALICE (The Android):
Randomness is often just complexity we can’t yet track. In principle, the chain is unbroken.
CYRIL (The Cynic):
Which means your “bad luck” is usually just the tab for last week’s choices.
Or just so we’ve got more people to argue with next time.
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